Don’t be afraid to
ask the tough questions
Have you ever
wondered why someone that seems to have a lot more talent and experience than
you do, and seems to have more influential contacts than you do, just can’t
seem to get anywhere in life? Why do
they keep running in circles and are never able to brake out of the small box
they are in? It seems like they are in a hamster wheel running and running, but
never getting any where.
If you talk to
them you might hear them say, “They have not received the right breaks in life,
or that someone or some circumstance is holding them back.” If you find
yourself in this situation don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions of
yourself. And after asking the tough questions, do not be afraid of the
answers. A lot of people do not ask the tough questions because they are afraid
of the answers. They are afraid of the truth.
Proverbs 11:14 says
Where there is no counsel, the people fall;
But in the
multitude of counselors there is safety.
Now this does
not mean that every time we go make a decision we should ask 100 people what
they think. We need to be decisive in
every area of life.
James 1:8 says
that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. We need to be able to
make decisions in life without asking 100 people what they think. If we ask 100
people what they think, we will get 100 different answers, and then we will be
more confused than when we started.
I believe that
Proverbs 11:14 is talking about when we hear the same criticism of ourselves
over and over again and we ignore it and keep brushing it off as something that
is wrong with everyone else, but we
never look inward and never see the problem.
A lot of people
either get hurt or offended when they receive criticism. Therefore; they never
grow in life. They never allow themselves to be stretched. They never allow
anyone to speak into their lives. Getting hurt and offended is a defense Mechanism
that keeps them from facing the truth that will help them grow.
I have been
blessed through out the years to work under different leaders that have spoken
into my life and have stretched me. When something is stretched it hurts. A lot of times when leaders spoke into my
life it hurt. Human nature never likes to be corrected or criticized.
When criticized
I try to ask myself two questions:
- Is it true?
- Can I do anything about it?
Sometimes
people just like to tear into other people and their criticism is not thought
out or constructive. They lash out with criticism for others to boost their own
self esteem. This type of criticism is usually not true. We cannot receive all
criticism, or we would go insane.
Sometimes criticism
is true but there is nothing we can do about it. We cannot get hurt or offended
if what people say is true. I have found that the best way to handle the area’s
in my life where I might not be as talented as others or naturally gifted as
others is to laugh about it. Accept the fact that I am not gifted in these
areas and enjoy the area’s I am gifted in. However we can always strive to improve
ourselves as much as we can.
I cannot sing
at all. I know this. I am not blessed with musical ability. I play no
instruments except my IPod. I enjoy good music but cannot produce it.
However, there
is a 3rd category of criticism that I want to talk about in this article.
This type of criticism is true, and we can do something about it. These are the
areas of our life that need to change, so that we can be more successful.
Over the years
I have heard certain things over and over about myself. For a few years we
passed out evaluation forms to every church we ministered at. We wanted to make
sure that we were achieving our goals in ministry. We eventually quit using
this form because people were not giving constructive criticism, but were using
it to nit pick our ministry. Too much nit picking can ware on you after a while,
and you become less effective in anything you do because you cannot please
everyone.
A few good
things did come out of using this evaluation form though. One thing that I
heard a few times was that I should be more exciting when I speak. I have never
claimed to be the best speaker in the world, and I still do not claim to be. I
know that there are others that are much more eloquent than me. I always used
the scripture that Paul wrote in 1 Cor 2:4 to justify my lack of talent in this
area
And my speech and my preaching was not
with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of
power:
However after hearing
this criticism a few times, I began to ask myself, “Can I do anything about this.”
I decided to really start working on being more exciting when I teach. I worked
on body language, my voice inflection, not being monotone, and moving around
the stage instead of standing in one place. I have come a long way since then.
I realize that there are still others that are better, but I always have room
to improve and I am continuing working on developing in this area.
When I first
started hearing this criticism it hurt. I heard statement like my program and
presentation was awesome, but I myself was boring. Ouch!!!!!
Thank God I
received this criticism and worked on developing myself, so I could go to the
next level in my ministry.
When young
people work under me as an intern, I am very cautious not to ripe into them
with everything they are doing wrong. I try and pick my battles. Most of the
time when I share something it is to help them better themselves, so they can
be more successful in life and ministry. One young man had a very annoying
action when he would get excited that was a turn off for most people. He
continually did this over and over. I could see that this would hold him back
in achieving his goals in life and ministry. When I approached him about this
his statement was that, “No one had ever had a problem with it in the past, no
one had ever told him this, so why should it be a problem now?” My statement
was that no one ever loved him enough to tell him the truth. This naturally
offended him. As time went on I believe that he thought about this statement
and made adjustments in his life. A lot of times pride stands in our way of
receiving criticism.
If someone has
experienced the same problem at every job they have had, they might need to ask
themselves, ‘Do I have a problem in this area?” Instead human nature is to
blame everyone around us for this problem. To me it’s sad to watch someone go
through life experiencing the same problem everywhere they go. Never able to
hold down a job because of bad people skills or a “know it all” attitude that
rubs people the wrong way. They never ask themselves if it could be them.
Instead others are always blamed. Therefore; they never go to the next level.
I once worked
under a leader that spoke into my life greatly. He stretched me to help me
become what I am today. As we spoke one day the subject came up, “Why the
church was not growing?” I was hesitant to share why I believed that it was not
growing because I was taught not to disrespect leaders that I am working for. I
finally decided to be honest and share what I saw and what others were saying.
I was very cautious with my words. I checked the motivation of my heart to make
sure it was out of love for Him that I was sharing this information and not to
cut him down, hurt him, or lift up myself. After sharing what was on my heart,
I wished I would have kept it to myself. The leader rejected my suggestion and
said, “That it was not true.” He did not believe this. To this day the church
continues to not grow, and has actually lost members because of this problem
that was never dealt with. I never shared from my heart with this leader again
because I learned that he did not receive criticism. Even though he had spoken
into my life greatly and stretched me, he did not allow others to speak into his
life therefore; resulting in never going to the next level that God had planned
for him and the church.
I used to where
goofy hats and looney tunes ties on stage to try to relate to kids until I
realized that most of the adults were turned off and thought of me as an oversized
kid. I learned that I needed to dress for success. A children’s minister can
dress in a way that is appealing to children and is not a turn off to adults
that are potential supporters and workers in your ministry.
Let’s not be
afraid to ask ourselves the tough questions in life:
- Is there something I am doing that is turning people
off?
- Is there a reason no one wants to work under me in
children’s ministry?
- Is my messy lifestyle and lack of organization just
the way I am or is it holding me back? Is there something I can do about
it?
- Is the way I dress or my style offensive to some or a
turn off? Is it just the way I am or can I change?
- Is there a reason people are not coming to my church
or calling me to minister at their church? I have heard some ministers say
“People are not spiritual enough to handle the truth that I am preaching, that’s
why my church isn’t growing.”
- Is my style of ministry a little outdated or not
relative, even though I have done it this way for years and have worked
hard on developing it?
- Do I come across hard and cold or is it that people
are just not mature enough to handle the truth?
- Do I come across as a goofball or immature because of
the silly things I do in children’s ministry resulting in the adults in my
church and community not respecting me?
- Is there something about our building or children’s
church room that is a turn off to first time visitors?
Let’s not be
afraid of the answers to the tough questions. Let’s move up to the next level
in our life and ministry. Let’s be all that God has created us to be and cast
away anything that holds us back.
Jerry Moyer
Jubilee Gang
Ministries
www.jubileegang.com
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